When Harry met Pikachu
by StarCandy
Summary: When Pikachu finds out that Ash has been cheating on him with Harry Potter he goes to Hogwarts to kill him… Someone gets blown up, Hermione joins the dark side and Dobby watches Harry sleep.


Title: When Harry met Pikachu  
  
  
  
Summary: When Pikachu finds out that Ash has been cheating on him with Harry Potter he goes to Hogwarts to kill him… Someone gets blown up, Hermione joins the dark side and Dobby watches Harry sleep.  
  
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark. Ali g owns himself, Pokemon and everything to do with it is owned by itself and Nintendo. The sanctuary thing is owned by the Simpsons. The How u doin thing is owned by Joey and friends.  
  
This story (that's the story not characters) is copy-written so steal from it and I will set the Pikachu on you… (  
  
Author notes: This is my second fanfic and as always reviews and emails are welcome flames will be laughed at.  
  
I wrote this hoping that you would find it twisted and disturbing. So ENJOY! (  
  
This story contains minor slash so if that bothers you carry on reading and then tell me how much it bothered you.  
  
It would make my day! ((  
  
  
  
The Letters  
  
Chapter1  
  
In a land far, far away an evil pokemon was thinking up a master plan.  
  
"I will show them, show them all."  
  
"Pikachu come here I have to become to supreme pokemaster."  
  
"Ash, can't you see I'm busy."  
  
"You've been standing in front of the mirror for two hours picking your nose!"  
  
"Pikachu does not have a nose."  
  
"Whatever, come here."  
  
"Noooo…" cried Pikachu.  
  
Pikachu felt the anger swell up inside of him. For as long as he could remember he had followed his master around, being forced to battle other pokemon. All he wanted was peace.  
  
"Look you yellow midget, come 'ere or get a slap."  
  
"That is it, I've had enough, I quit."  
  
"You cant quit."  
  
"I can and I am and my names not Pikachu it's Sam."  
  
"You will have to get through me first!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
Pikachu started shaking, he levitated a bit, then danced while singing,  
  
"Get cha freak on."  
  
"What are you doing."  
  
"That was my song."  
  
Before now Ash hadn't noticed the yellow Walkman on Pikachu's head. (It blended in with his skin ok).  
  
"Stop this nonsense Pikachu, I love you."  
  
"You don't love me any more."  
  
"How can you say that."  
  
"Well, I put up with being called the yellow midget for years only so that you could sneak off and see Harry Potter behind my back."  
  
"Harry Potter, I would never, you must be confused!"  
  
"I found the letters."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"All I am and all I ever will be to you is a * pauses for dramatically for effect * POKEMON."  
  
"We can't work it out!"  
  
"I'm sorry Ash."  
  
Pikachu wiped a single tear from his left eye and proceeded to the door.  
  
"I won't let you go."  
  
"You can't stop me."  
  
"YES…I…CAN!" and with that Ash jumped onto of Pikachu and they started to wrestle (not in a kinky way!) although Pikachu got a little over exited, so exited in fact that he accidentally used one of his fighting moves, Thunder- Shock.  
  
1  
  
2 Why Ash?  
  
3  
  
4 Chapter 2  
  
Pikachu looked at his frazzled ex as the life slowly drifted from him. Pikachu realised that it was not Ash who was at fault it was that devil child HARRY POTTER.  
  
Looking up at the ceiling Pikachu said…  
  
"Why Ash, oh supreme pokemon ruler of the galaxy, why ash."  
  
Supreme pokemon ruler of the galaxy (or the author it's up to you): "Well he has never changed his clothes, and that hat its like soooo late."  
  
"But why."  
  
Supreme pokemon ruler of the galaxy: "I just told you, are you retarded or something, you pop eyed yellow freak."  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't not mean to make you mad please don't hurt me noooo…"  
  
"I won't hurt you if you just shut up, you're exactly like Dobby, always asking me why I do this and that and well you know."  
  
"Who is Dobby?"  
  
"I thought you knew him."  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Well he's a green midget with big ears."  
  
"Sounds interesting."  
  
"Pikachu, I'm going, never call me again."  
  
"Can I at least have Dobby's number?"  
  
"Ciao, Guten tag, Salute!" (Ignore the fact that most of this means hello)  
  
"Speak English"  
  
"No!"  
  
Pikachu started jumping up and down on his Walkman.  
  
"Stop it, stop making me do this."  
  
While he was begging the Supreme pokemon ruler of the galaxy to stop killing his boyfriend and screaming,  
  
"Not the music, anything but the music."  
  
He became a little over excited again and released just enough sparks to finish Ash off, although Ash's last words were  
  
"Harry!"  
  
5 Sanctuary  
  
6  
  
7 Chapter 3  
  
3 months later, harry is at Quidditch practice at Hogwarts  
  
  
  
"You almost got hit by a Bludger."  
  
"Oh right…"  
  
"Hey what's that?"  
  
"Fred I'm not falling for that again."  
  
"No coming out of the forbidden forest."  
  
All of the Quidditch team turned to look towards the forest.  
  
"Pikachu!" Hermione who was watching from the stands exclaimed, wondering why a television character was at their school. No one else had seen the show and so they didn't recognise Pikachu. Not even Harry, Ash had acted like a normal Durmstrang student when they met at the tri-wizard tournament and had never told Harry about Pikachu or Pokemon at all, for that matter…  
  
"Hermione I think it's speaking."  
  
"Pokemon don't speak"  
  
Supreme witch ruler of the galaxy: "Yes they do but muggles can't understand them."  
  
"I'm not I muggle so why cant I understand them?"  
  
"You have only seen them on TV and their cockney accents are so advanced that the TV airways only produce gibberish."  
  
"Pokemon are Chinese how can they be cockney?"  
  
"They are Chinese with cockney accents."  
  
"Ooohhh," said Hermione looking puzzled and raising her eyebrows.  
  
2 minutes later the Supreme witch ruler of the galaxy is gone and everyone is focused on Pikachu again…  
  
"What's it saying?"  
  
"How should I know."  
  
"Wasn't it in Hogwarts a History?"  
  
"Well no actually… hey that's not fair," Fred, George and Harry sniggered.  
  
"So Sorry Hermione," George said while bowing from across the pitch.  
  
Hermione now irritated, ignored George and replied to harry, curtly.  
  
"Why don't you fly over there and try to figure out what he is saying, we're to far away to hear him."  
  
Harry performed a few stunts before flying off and returning a few minutes later looking tired.  
  
"So what did he say?"  
  
"Been chasing yellow midget around forest, ran into school, met Madam Hooch, he gone to hospital wing." gasped Harry  
  
"Yeah but what was he saying?"  
  
" He kept screaming SANCTUARY, SANCTUARY, SANCTUARY."  
  
Somewhere in the land far away one of Pikachu's old poke-teachers was hitting himself saying  
  
"I should have never taught him that word!"  
  
"You couldn't resist saying it three times could you."  
  
"Don't spoil it Hermione."  
  
"If I going to be abused in my own schools stands I'm leaving," and with that Hermione left the stands trying to block out the roaring laughter that followed her so that she could hatch a master plan of her own. If they would never pay attention to her she would make them. She was going to join the dark side.  
  
7.1.1.1 Just call me Pikachu  
  
  
  
8 Chapter 4  
  
8.1 Its 1am and Hermione is near the hospital wing trying to find something evil at Hogwarts to join.  
  
"Here evil, evil, evil, I'm your friend I want to help you," Hermione figured that she didn't want to join serious evil, just a wannabe who might create a little havoc, and a wannabe was sure to fall for her last statement.  
  
"Did someone ask for evil?"  
  
"Yes, who is that?"  
  
"Sam!"  
  
"Do I know you?"  
  
"Look just call me Pikachu, everyone else does!"  
  
"Pikachu, I choose you!"  
  
Hermione could tell by the tone in his voice that Pikachu was not amused.  
  
"You said you were going to help me so get on with it."  
  
"Where are you?"  
  
"In the hospital wing, the doors unlocked."  
  
Hermione hurried to the hospital wing.  
  
"So what's the evil plan then?  
  
"Kill Harry Potter!"  
  
Hermione gazed open mouthed at Pikachu, she didn't want to actually kill Harry.  
  
"Can't we just maim him?"  
  
"If we are going to kill him we may as well do it properly, there is no point in maiming him, we don't want him half-dead, we want fully-dead.  
  
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"  
  
A green midget carrying soup burst into the wing.  
  
"Sirs and misses you can't kill harry potter."  
  
"Who are you and why are you carrying chicken and beef soup?  
  
"I am Dobby, I is hearing you is killing Harry Potter while I is bringing up soup for Pikachu."  
  
"Why were you bringing him soup at 1am?"  
  
"I is hearing there is a new midget in town, a yellow one, I is wanting to see him."  
  
"Well hello, my name is Pikachu, but you can call me Sam."  
  
Dobby blushed and ran up to Pikachu's bed to hand him his soup but accidentally dropped it on Pikachu's head.  
  
Wiping the soup from his head with one hand Pikachu said  
  
"How you doin?" with an Italian/American/Cockney accent (don't ask).  
  
"I is fine I is leaving now,"  
  
Hermione started to chase him  
  
"Let him go."  
  
"Why."  
  
"He won't tell anyone."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Pokemon are like Veela to a midgets."  
  
Hermione looked confused.  
  
"Ok…well how do you suppose we can, injure Harry."  
  
"I will go into the kitchens and slip poison in his food and you will tell me where he is sitting."  
  
"How will you get past all of the house elf's in the kitchen."  
  
"Veela powers," Pikachu simply replied.  
  
Hermione nodded to indicate that she was listening although she was starting to think of another brilliant plan.  
  
What if she left and told Harry, she would be known as the girl who saved Harry Potter, she would receive an order of Merlin and a trophy for services to the school.  
  
"I have to go now, I will meet you at the kitchens tomorrow at 9."  
  
"But wait, how do I…"  
  
Hermione was gone…  
  
  
  
Must resist Midget Veela Power I is to stop Pikachu killing Harry  
  
  
  
8.1.1 Chapter 5  
  
8am and Hermione has snuck into Harry's dorm  
  
"Arrrggghhh."  
  
"Harry stop screaming its me."  
  
Harry removed the bed sheets from his face  
  
"Hermione it's like 5am, what are you doing standing over me like that."  
  
"I've come to warn you that at 9 some one is going to kill you."  
  
"People try to kill me everyday, what's new?"  
  
"This time its Pikachu."  
  
"Picaloo?"  
  
"No Pikachu."  
  
"Who is he and why is he killing me?"  
  
"I forgot to ask,"  
  
"You met him?"  
  
"Yes, but there is no time to explain in one hour you will be murdered unless you do something."  
  
"So what do I do?"  
  
"Confront Pikachu."  
  
"Can't I just tell someone?"  
  
"No, they all think he's well, disturbed, they wouldn't believe you."  
  
"How do I know you are telling the truth?"  
  
Dobby emerged from the shadows  
  
"Its true sirs Harry, evil is at Hogwarts, evil with a Chinese cockney accent."  
  
"See Harry, even Dobby says its true."  
  
"Dobby what are you doing in my dorm?"  
  
"I is watching Harry Potter sleeping sir."  
  
Its 9am and Hermione and Harry have just walked into the school kitchens.  
  
"Hey look it's the yellow midget."  
  
"Prepare to die, Harry Potter."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I have come to avenge Ash it's your fault he is dead!"  
  
"Ash who?"  
  
"Don't play dumb with me, I found the …LETTERS."  
  
"Oh!"  
  
Suddenly there was a tremendous crash and white smoke filled the room.  
  
"Someone's kicked the door in," yelled Hermione bewildered.  
  
The smoke faded and behind it was none other than…  
  
"Dobby," chorused a number of voices, while Dobby started to run in slow motion towards Pikachu.  
  
"Must resist midget Veela power I is to stop Pikachu killing Harry."  
  
"Are you feeling alright today Dobby?"  
  
"I is feeling fine, I is stopping you."  
  
"Try anything and I'm going to blow up the entire kitchen, everyone in it will die except for me."  
  
"But…but…noooo (if you can tell me how many times 'noooo' is in the story you get a cookie) you can't kill Harry Potter, he freed me, he is brave and kind and honourable and much more."  
  
"So?"  
  
"If you is sparing his life I is… I is…"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I is marrying you!"  
  
8.1.1.1 Epilogue  
  
1 year later  
  
Draco murdered Harry anyway. Hermione turned Fred and George into flies and kept them in a jar, occasionally sliding her fingers over their air holes (she did the same thing to Rita Skeeter, honestly the girls obsessed.) While the supreme pokemon/witch ruler of the galaxy realised that it was 3am and went to bed.  
  
And finally…  
  
In a land far, far away two midgets were having a conversation  
  
"Pika, which of these socks looks best on me?"  
  
"Why don't you just wear matching socks?"  
  
"Pika is being silly, haha."  
  
"I'm not being silly, I'm thinking up another master plan."  
  
"What is it this time Pika?"  
  
"Kill Ali G!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because no one loves me anymore its all Ali G this and Ali G that and Ali G has a movie etc…They don't buy the game anymore, watch the show… they don't even say the catch-phrase!"  
  
"What catch-phrase?"  
  
"Gotta catch em all…POKEMON…yeah!"  
  
Pikachu did a little jig and clapped his hands.  
  
"I'm sorry but you can't kill Ali G."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well he is twice your size and your erm?"  
  
"Spit it out."  
  
"I'm trying to make it delicately."  
  
"I'm not delicate and I think I know why you think I couldn't kill Ali G anyway."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Is it cause I is yellow?"  
  
"Erm yeah."  
  
Pikachu looked wounded but Dobby looked at him with bright eyes.  
  
"I'm so sorry…SAM."  
  
Pikachu got a little over exited again and blew Dobby up.  
  
Although Dobby survived and they lived happily ever after.  
  
(a/n)  
  
Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review  
  
Please… I'll give ya a cookie… 


End file.
